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"In every challenge is the seed of opportunity." Spiritual Warrior: A Personal AccountOctober 12, 2009 Among the handful of columns I have written here, this one perhaps demanded most to be written. I have put aside other obligations to answer its call, for sometimes I am not a writer by choice but by necessity, especially when my thoughts will not quiet until they are expressed in written form. Today those thoughts are about two people who died last week while on a retreat in Arizona and the man who led them to what unfortunately became their doom. James Arthur Ray's Spiritual Warrior event has been held annually at Angel Valley Retreat Center near Sedona since 2003. Last week Kirby Brown, 38, of New York, and James Shore, 40, of Wisconsin, perished while participating in a sweat lodge ceremony, one of the final activities of the five-day retreat. At least 19 others fell ill and were hospitalized, one in critical condition, and the story quickly spread worldwide across news outlets and the Internet. Last year, I was among its 60 or so participants. Because of that, I feel compelled to describe the event from my perspective as best I can recall in hopes that it may shed some light, encourage change and also contribute in a positive way to any dialogue that ensues amid a climate of negativity. The story broke on a Friday, and over the weekend hateful comments appeared online among those seeking to find blame or depict James Ray and his participants, as well as other personal development activities like his, as part of some kind of creepy New Age cult. Other criticisms arose questioning Ray's position as someone who could safely conduct a sweat lodge, the number of people inside, its construction and its duration compared to the traditional event. News accounts were quick to point out the cost of the retreat but reporters also failed to discover or mention that the five-day event in one of the world's most beautiful settings offered much more than a two-hour sweat lodge unannounced until its final day. Providing additional fodder for the haters, Ray was reported to have left the scene and the state apparently without first speaking with authorities. He also had discussed the event on his Twitter account but he later deleted the tweets (ironically some were about death and perhaps he felt they were inappropriate to leave up in light of the tragedy that ensued). All of his tweets were recoverable and have been reposted elsewhere (see techcrunch.com). Ray has since expressed his condolences on Twitter, in his his blog and also via email: "I am shocked and saddened by the tragedy that occurred at Spiritual Warrior in Sedona, Arizona, Thursday evening. I wish to express my deepest heartfelt condolences to the family and friends of those who lost their lives as well as offer my prayers for a speedy recovery for those who were taken ill... Because there are so many more questions than answers at this time I believe it inappropriate to comment further until we know more." Meanwhile, some important discussions are taking place on the tragedy, including Duff McDuffee's posts on Beyond Growth: Exploring the Future of Personal Development and Deb Frueh's Shipwrecked in the New Age, in Connie Schmidt's Whirled Musings on the "dark side of enlightenment" and in the Cult Education Forum. I attended Spiritual Warrior in September 2008 as a 50th birthday gift to myself both to mark a milestone in my life and to work on new goals. As the event resumed again this year at the beginning of last week, I felt happy for the new participants as I looked back to assess my progress after what had been one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences of my life. But on Friday I was stunned to hear the sad and tragic news. Should I have spoken out last year about the sweat lodge experience I found at the time and later described to my friends and family in retrospect as a risky contest of endurance? Could that have somehow contributed to a discussion that might have helped prevent this year's deaths? I was stunned to be so closely tied to news reverberating around the world, but was I really all that surprised the deaths occurred given my experience and observations from the year before? I believe that most if not all of those in attendance, and most people I have met at some other James Ray workshops, are genuinely working to improve their lives and are not needy, weak-minded or ill-informed. They are not expecting to get rich quick or change their lives with a magic bullet. Many are business professionals in leadership roles or entrepreneurs running their own businesses. Others are experiencing milestones or confronting major changes in their lives. Much of Ray's work is focused on helping people define and realize what they consider true "wealth" in all areas of their lives, not just financially but also spiritually, physically, intellectually and in relationships. Most of us are familiar with Rhonda Byrne's best seller The Secret, in which Ray and others are featured contributors. But for me Ray's message resonated with other authors and speakers I had been studying over the years, long before The Secret made its way into pop culture and onto the best seller lists. I was especially interested in his more advanced and personal retreat in Spiritual Warrior because the group would be limited in size compared to his other events that attract hundreds of participants and I loved the environment in which it was offered. Most Spiritual Warrior participants had arranged and prepared for this event nearly a year or more in advance. While we had been sent a list of supplies to bring, a lengthy reading list of books by Ray and other authors to study before we arrived and, yes, waivers to sign, we did not know exactly what awaited us but we knew it would be challenging for the event is designed to help push you beyond your self-imposed limits. We were asked later not to reveal the workshop's actual activities so as not to spoil the experience for the next year's group. Much has been disclosed, assumed, hinted at or even misrepresented about the event since the tragedy occurred so I do not consider my account here to be a spoiler. Given what has happened, I don't see how this event can continue unchanged. Looking back, perhaps that request may have contributed to a lack of adequate discussion about the merits and/or risks of the sweat lodge experience itself and whether those in attendance had time to fully consider whether they should participate. There is value in being surprised with a challenge intended to help you grow and learn. But all bets are off when someone's life is imperiled or worse, lost. The retreat, it turns out, included lots of lectures and discussions, some intense self analysis, plenty of note taking and journaling, numerous meditation sessions, some Yoga, a Samurai warrior-themed group game activity, surprisingly delicious vegetarian fare, a two-night stay "alone" in the desert with no electronics, no shelter, no food, no water, and no light at night except from the full moon (other participants are nearby but out of your field of vision and you are escorted to and from your mapped location so no one is lost or unaccounted for) as well as a 36-hour fast (in my case more like 48 hours due to an activity beforehand). All of this takes place in one of the world's most beautiful environments in a peaceful setting away from the demands of real life and without any type of Internet or cellular service except for one or two spots on the property. I do not believe James Ray intended to approach the sweat lodge ceremony with anything but reverence and respect. The lodge was blessed and the hot stones presented by a tribal elder who we were told was very experienced in the ceremony. It was a serious and optional activity approached with reverence by the entire group. The sweat lodge event was part of the overall Spiritual Warrior experience and was not something we specifically paid admission to participate in, although we later took up a voluntary collection among us for the elder as we were told is traditional for such a ceremony. On the contrary, it, like our desert quest, fast and some some optional extreme haircuts, was not specifically mentioned in pre-workshop publicity and a complete surprise to many if not most of us in attendance. After our wilderness experience we had a meal before an additional session that would help prepare us for the sweat lodge. We were told to wear light clothing (I wore a swim suit and gym shorts) and to remove all of our jewelry, glasses and even contact lenses. As part of our retreat experience, we had been venting in another notebook for days. Before we entered the sweat lodge, we tossed it into the fire. The only thing we brought inside was a string of very small tobacco-filled pouches we had each put together as part of our desert quest. We hung them inside the sweat lodge from its frame of branches. The sweat lodge was a temporary dome-shaped structure made from wood branches and covered with blankets and I believe also tarps. It was perhaps 30 feet in diameter and no more than about 4 feet in height at its center. (The one in recent news photos looks shorter to me than the one I remember from our event last year, which could affect how hot it got inside.) The participants entered single file to form an inner and an outer circle inside the dome, and were seated on the ground around a 3-4-foot pit in its center. There would be at least 7 roughly 10-15-minute rounds to the ceremony, and we were told we could leave any time between rounds, but not in the middle of a round because it would be dangerous to do so. At the beginning of each round, hot stones from a fire outside were maneuvered through the doorlike flap with a pitchfork and placed into the pit. The door flap would be closed, water would be poured onto the stones and we would be engulfed in steam and darkness as Ray began another phase in the ceremony. I decided to leave after 5 or 6 rounds when I felt the air around me had become too hot to breathe. I believe at least one person left the dome after nearly every round, when the door flap would be lifted and Ray would ask the elder outside for additional Grandfathers or stones. It turns out the sweat lodge (as well as other parts of the Spiritual Warrior experience) was, for me, and for some others there as well, more than I was willing to put up with in the name of personal growth. I remember at the time I was not exactly happy with myself for leaving the lodge early, but I was glad to be quickly met by others standing by who sprayed me with a water hose, provided me with water to drink and a place to lie down and recuperate. My heart was racing, as I recall, and it took half an hour or more for me to feel normal. Most of the others seemed to be affected like me, and were feeling hot or weak, but a few of them, including some big athletic-looking guys, seemed to be having a more difficult time. Some were delirious, murmuring nonsense, and others were taking much longer to recuperate than I did. A few had several concerned-looking people tending to them. I could not imagine what it was like for those who had not left the lodge. Among the women I shared a cabin with, one I think did not participate at all and the other stayed in the entire time. Many of us decided to rejoin the others for the final round inside the lodge. I discovered that my initial spot on the inner circle closer to the pit and farther from the door was a much hotter place than the outer circle I would join later. I would be interested in knowing where exactly those most afflicted had been sitting. We could lie down in the outer circle while those in the inner circle could mostly only lean back to rest against the knees of those in the outer circle. In all the outer circle seemed to be a more bearable location. It was an easy decision for me to leave early, and there were many like me who left earlier and others later. I was not shunned in any way or made to feel bad about my decision to do so. Still, I believe some people saw the event as a personal test of their endurance. Keep in mind this is completely out of context since I have a journal full of notes leading up to this experience, but I feel I should share some of my notes from our session immediately before the sweat lodge. James introduced the sweat lodge to us as a death and rebirth process that was used by the ancients, a process of going back into the womb of Mother Earth and coming out anew/ reborn. My rough notes from that day include the following: "Sweat lodge. Most 4 rounds. James 7-12 will push the envelope of sanity and physical abilities. And you can do it because you're more than that. We will go into a womb, also a sacred temple. James is the priest. Hold it in high regard & follow directions. "You will be in an altered state. It will be hotter than hot. Remember you're in a temple and act accordingly... You only move clockwise in a sacred circle. Stones come in (God sleeps in stone). We say, Ah-ho Grandfather. Do not speak unless asked. You will say, So be it. We will create a morphogenic field/vibration. It's very healthy. You will be out of your mind. Straddle 2 worlds. See it through. There is power in doing that. We have had people pass out. When you feel that discomfort, get close to Mother Earth, that is the coolest place. Heat rises. Lie down on the ground. Be in the moment ... Surrender to the process." And on the next page, during discussion we held after the event, I wrote: "Every single fear is rooted in death. When you conquer that, there is nothing else that can rattle you." While I do not recall the exact words Ray said to us at the time as we prepared to enter the sweat lodge, I do remember he urged us to hold on to his experience and his knowledge that we would be able to get through it together. "My certainty overcomes your doubt," he had told us earlier in the week. I believe James Ray to be a good man, but I also feel he underestimated the risks the sweat lodge and his influence posed to those attending his event. While I also consider most of his events to be beyond expensive and not for everyone, I felt Spiritual Warrior would be an experience from which I would continue to benefit for a long time to come. I consider Ray a compelling and entertaining speaker who has much to offer from experience and a trove of wisdom to share, but I also put his teachings into a larger context of a variety of authors whose books I have been studying over the course of many years. I understand that he has become very wealthy and his international company has been recognized for its unprecedented growth over the past several years since he appeared on Oprah, Larry King and in The Secret before writing his own bestseller Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want. But I also know he works non-stop in an attempt to fulfill what he sees as his mission. Of course I do not find him to be perfect. And I did not always do what he suggested at our events. At the time I felt perhaps that was the result of my own shortcomings or rebelliousness, but in retrospect I view that trait in myself and even my own doubts as something to embrace and celebrate. Unfortunately for Ray, for the two lost "warriors", and for all of us who have attended his workshops, the world has changed and we can never forget this tragic turn of events. In hindsight I cannot imagine how the well being of all sweat lodge participants could ever really be properly monitored given its current scenario. Those of us who emerged unscathed, including James Ray and a number of his staff, are lucky to have done so. It was a fascinating and memorable experience I will never forget. I am glad I had the opportunity to participate but also the presence of mind and the ability to leave when I felt I needed to. I wonder what might have uniquely contributed to this year's tragedy after others in previous years ended seemingly without incident (I have since learned there was another 911 call involving an unconscious participant in 2005). Were there some chemicals or toxins released that were not present in other years? Was there foul play? Was it just bad luck? Bad karma? Was it statistically bound to happen sooner or later? I also wonder how many of this year's group chose to leave the lodge early? Surely it would have been more difficult for them to do so if no one or only a few had chosen to leave between rounds. Ray has said to those of us attending his events, "You show up as you" in life no matter where you are or what you do. How you react defines who you are. While it's understandable he would be advised not to speak out at this time, I hope he will fully cooperate with authorities as much as possible to help them in their investigation. I hope he or his staff will remain in close contact with the families of those afflicted. I wish I would have read that he was maintaining a vigil at the hospital or personally visiting the families of those whose lives were lost. Perhaps he has or will, and we are simply unaware of those efforts. Ray writes in his blog of a friend on the scene, "We also want everyone to know that a friend has been at the hospital monitoring the condition of those still ill. Our love and warm affection is with all who mourn and with all of you in this time of grief, sadness and challenge." His behavior since the tragedy will more than ever define the man we know as James Arthur Ray as well as his life's work. I expect him to act with the same honor and courage he has inspired in so many. I hope he knows that, from my perspective, he has profoundly influenced me and many others to appreciate every challenge and be grateful for each blessing, to more fully define and create our lives, and to live each moment more courageously. I honor him for that. I believe he is succeeding in helping to make the world a better place. It would be a shame for those efforts to discontinue. But Ray has also taught that for every intention we create, we also create its opposite, an anti-intention, a positive and a negative for which we can also prepare. There is always a price for the prize and opportunity in every challenge. At least two people and their loved ones whose lives are forever changed have sadly paid a terrible price for their quest. Ray will pay a heavy price as well, for he will be held accountable in one way or another. He knows this. I hope this tragedy can at least lead to greater discussion, awareness and safety in the personal development industry among both leaders and participants. Leaders need to be able to provide challenging encounters and activities for growth, yet they will need to take extra measures to ensure that all participants can can come through them as safely as possible. Care should be taken to make sure there is never undue persuasion. Participants need to be able to easily opt out and consider what is best for themselves without excessive pressure, shame or influence from a group or its leader. The industry and its movers and shakers should grasp this opportunity to take a good, hard look at themselves and develop good or better industrywide best practices and education. _____________________________ Related: January 28, 2010
January 20, 2010
January 12, 2010
October 21, 2009
October 19, 2009 A third victim, Liz Neuman, has died after lingering in a coma, and anonymous accounts are being reported from victims saying they were prevented from exiting the sweat lodge when they tried to leave. If that is the case, it makes the tragedy even worse. Mental coersion is bad enough but also physically preventing them from leaving? That would be inexcusable. My heart breaks for these people. James Ray must be brought to account. October 16, 2009
October 15, 2009
October 14, 2009
_____________________________ Please email me your comments. Julie Wolpers |
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Julie Wolpers dba Webcurrent Communications |
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